Heaven, and now down to Earth.

 Dear life,

was it something i did?

or am I born to this world just to be a pure disappointment.

And no matter how much I tried to ran away,

depression you were always there.

And I can't shake these overthinking out of my head.

I'm tired of thinking, 

tired of being stupid.

Allah's beautiful arrangement.

Have you ever been so mad when things won't work out your way ?

When you wanted the best thing to happen,

but not the best thing for you.

And it took me awhile.

After bitching and crying and complaining of life,

I began to realize.

Everything happens for a reason.

Allah had it all covered up in Luh Mahfuz, long time ago even since we're not born.

A perfect story, which will work out eventually.

We may see our road as twisted as hell.

but in the end, it'll bring us to something.

Something that'll make us happy.

 I used to think my life would be better if I haven't made any disciplinary case in TGB,

but I wouldn't be experiencing life.

 And I would be serious with my life. I will score in my trials. And maybe got a fast-track programme.

 And if that happen, I wouldn't have met someone I would love so much in my life.

I won't be able to work after spm with her.

And if that happen,

I wouldn't do a foundation and met my bestest friends here.

 I used to frowned to made a mistake of choosing uitm puncak alam instead of egypt.

But if I did go to egypt last year,

I wouldn't have make her fall in love with me.

I could've stopped trying.

And my parents EPF are meant to be out this year, which means

they have to struggle to find money to pay for the fees if I went to egypt last year.

And I'm glad as hell that didn't happened.

Everything that happened had brought me to you.

See, it's all beautiful, right ?   

Sometimes things happened are not the best for the situation,

but Allah knows, He prepared things that are the best for you to happen.  

         

When everything sucks.

When your body betrays you.


When your heart does nothing but depressed all the time,

When your mind fxcks you up all the time.

When your eyes sees what you don't want to see,

When your brain won't cooperate with you.

When your life isn't what it supposed to be.

CAN I JUST SLEEP FOREVER AND DISAPPEAR ?   

Ooops. Reality check.

And I'm at the critical point of my life again.

 I'm a total failure.

What can I do ?

I'm insecure.

My life is not secured.

Sometimes I just feel like I don't have any future at all.

 Life is just so hard when you're stupid.

I figured, I'm too dumb to try to get medical course in UPU.

But then, what if I go to Egypt and fail ?

What do I do ?

Shit.

What's going on with my life.

I don't know anymore.

         

Zero - zero.

If you're reading this,

 

I'm sorry. Truly sorry.

You know what they said that teenagers are stupid.

Well I was one of them.

And I promise not to be one anymore.

I just don't want anyone to be mad at anyone.

Holding grudges, that's ancient.

You know that teacher's bless is everything.

And that's all I'm asking.

Sorry.

 

Where's our sun, mum ?

One day my mom dm-ed me on facebook.

"Jangan fikirkan sangat betapa berat sesuatu masaalah itu. 

Selagi kita bersyukur dan redha, selagi itu hidup kita diberkati Allah.

 Jangan mengukur kesusahan melalui wang ringgit sahaja.

 Walau tampak miskin tapi bahagia, apa salahnya:-) 

We love you so much"

mom, do you realize what you just did to me?

I couldn't hold my tears back no more.

It was all just so hard seeing us like this.

I'm trying all i could to not be a burden to you.

And I du'a to Allah all the time,

so you would never ever have to feel like this anymore .

Even when I'm not happy, I still want happiness to be yours.

You've done too much, 

much more than I could ever repay.

not here, not in akhirah.

Just, hold my hands,

pull through this together.

You're all that I got in my darkest day,

and you are the ones I'll spend my brightest day with.

To, mom and dad.