Enough with words.

Page 4 of 365.

 I still remember that night.

31.12.2012.

How I wished I could change that time.

Turn a new leaf, open a new book.

11:59:59 PM.

tick... tock..

nothing's changed.

I'm still the old me.

And I'm still falling in this never-ending pit...    

 

Here's to the kid.

 Here's to the kid...

Whom everything around you never worked out,

Who tried everything but could never be better than anyone else,

who someone you love never loves you back,

who felt like shit in this world,

who tried everything, but it was never good enough,

who are tired of disappointing people, 

who just wanted to lead a good, happy life, but couldn't,

just remember.

TRY TO GRASP WORLD WITH OUR HAND,

YOU WILL NEVER SUCCEED.

BUT TRY TO PURSUE AKHIRAT AND SEARCH FOR ALLAH'S BLESS,

AKHIRAH AND DUNYA WILL COME FOR YOU.

Two paths, and always the wrong one.

CHOICES.

 

 Everybody have to make choices in their lives.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I hate making choices.

 

 

 

Because everytime I do, I'll make the wrong one.

It's like choosing a pathway in life,

and you fell to the never-ending-bottomless pit.

 

You can never make it right.

 

And I'll ended up regretting it for the rest of my life.

 

 

 Answers in exam.

Girls.

Life.

College.

Everything.

I can't choose in any of them.

I'm always wrong.

 

wtf brain.

 

 

WHEN WILL YOU MAKE A RIGHT CHOICE IN THIS LIFE ?

 

 

 

To we all.

"Jangan keluh mengapa hidup mu susah,

kalau azan seruan Allah kamu tak kisah."

this.

it felt like a punch in my throat.

Fafirru ilallah, Qawwiy. Fafirru ilallah.

 "Berlari pulanglah kepada Allah."

 

Kecelaruan mencari identiti.

Kenapa aku tak boleh jadi seperti dulu ?

Yang selalu mengamalkan sunnah nya seboleh mungkin.

Yang berlumba mencari keredhaan-Nya.

Yang cuba sedaya upaya mencari kemanisan iman.

Yang suka mencari ilmu tak kira duniawi atau ukhrawi.

Ya Allah, kau berikanlah aku hidayah.

Dalam mencari rahmat-Mu.

Kau berikanlah aku teman yang mampu membimbingku.

Kau tetapkanlah hati ini yang sentiasa berdolak-dalih.

Aku dah berubah.

Tapi aku nak menjadi seperti dulu.

Siapakah aku sekarang ?

I'm sorry, dad.

"I'm sorry, dad."

These words couldn't come out from my mouth.

For being a stubborn little kid.

I myself didn't know why I was like this.

Of course, you told me to do the right things.

To solat,

To help you,

and everything that I shouldn't object of.

But I don't know. 

My head want to obey you, 

but my heart doesn't.

I'm sorry dad if it hurts you.

" Why are you so stucked up ?" you said.

It blows me through my chest,

and I started to guess you're mad at me because I'm stubborn.

Again, I'm sorry dad.

For everytime you said, 

" Awiy ? Dah solat ? Haaa solat solat."

I will just say 'hmm', or just ignore it.

It may looked like I didn't listen to you,

but you don't know, when you go down stairs, 

I'll take wudhu' and solat.

Just like you told me too.

But I didn't show it.

I don't know why either why I'm acting like this dad.

But know this,

I didn't mean to hurt you.

And I'm trying to be the best son you ever have.

And this one for you.